*angry cartoon face*

Is it really true that if you're bored you are boring?! And what's the difference between being bored and just... not feeling like doing anything "normal" but still feeling antsy!? I mean- I realize that I'm rather high strung. It's a lot for some people to handle. I can be loud and all in your face at times too. Not in a bad way but more like... in an excited/feisty way. Of course I have nights where I just want to be lazy and do nothing but most of the time I want to be out meeting new people or down the street at the local bar with a shot of Fireball & a Coors Light, playing darts. Is that so wrong?! That I just get BORED sitting around in front of the television on the weeknights? I realize I work tomorrow mmmkayyy but so what?! Just because I work tomorrow it's not OK for me to go out and drink my face off have a beer or two?! I am  I think REALLY what this post is about is judgmental assholes and how OMG SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO YELL! **deep breaths**

I'm going to finish out the work day, go home, have a FEW BEERS and try to CHILL out!

I need a vacation. Thank GOODNESS my b-day is coming up and I took those 4 days off. Stay-cation it is. Then if I get drunk on a damn Tuesday night NO ONE WILL JUDGE!

 Errr... actually I'm sure someone would. 

Always arguing with myself. Whatever. GTFO.

(Random idea: Stop forgetting you own BF3 and actually play it!)

Again...but grey

Did the sock bun thing again. Kept my bangs in. Yeahhh.... That's all grey. Screw y'all!! I'll be 25 soon. Whateverrrr....

Entry #whateverrrr Day #5: Smile!

Today's #marchphotoaday theme was Smile!! This is a picture of me (like, duh!) Smiling & wearing my Archer tee. I generally laugh like a total crazy person the entire way through the show! Do you not?! ;) #archer

WTF?!...over.

10-4! Roger that!
No. No I do not roger that! That being the strange dreams I've been having and the generally "off" feeling I've been feeling. Seriously- WHY hasn't anyone found a way to control dreams? I'm not talking Inception here. I mean just basic stuff- like turning them on or off. I've been having dreams of people I've never met before and BARELY even know! Bloggers and other random people I've met online. It is so strange to wake up and for the first ten seconds feel a legitimate connection with these people. Oh, but then you realize "Wow. That was a dream and I don't really know him/her."
*sad face*

Entry #17: Bedside

I was a bit excited to share this photo for day number 4 of the #marchphotoaday challenge because of my kitty. The theme was Bedside and I swear to it I have the most cuddly kitty ever. At least that I've ever had. I'm not a cat person per say but growing up had several. I love this one to bits. His name is Bagheera (from The Jungle Book!) and he's a bit over a year old. I rescued him last August and he's been great company and provided lots of laughter (as well as TONS of snuggles) ever since! 

There he is... omitting tiny snores wrapped in my Snuggie. Yep. I have a Snuggie and ya know what?! 

I love it *smirk*

Entry #16: Da hood

Today's #marchphotoaday was Neighborhood. Now- I don't live in a gorgeous neighborhood by any means. I wanted to go take a walk down by the river and get some really great photos but today was dull, grey & gloomy. It's not that pictures on days like that can't turn out wonderful but to be honest- I didn't want to go outside. Soooo I played Cinderella and cleaned most of the day. Studio is lookin' good!! Here's a few lame shots of my neighborhood... 

(Photos taken with PicFrame)

Entry #15: Fruity

Yo yo yo!! In my usual style I waited until the last moment (literally was right around midnight) to take a picture for #marphotoaday challenge! The theme was Fruit! So naturally... I had to include myself in this photo some how. So- here's my day two photo!

(I'm wearing my You Have Died of Dysentery t-shirt! #oregontrail #bustedtees )

Entry #14.1: TRIPPIN'

Sooooo I'm SUPER upset that I can't find one of my favorite songs on iTunes. Does anyone else have this problem but me?! I've looked for three songs in the last two days & iTunes has NONE of them!! I'm posting this link so that I can ALWAYS find it. I love this song. It's complicated... yet totally simple... just like me.
Trippin'- Toni Braxton

Entry #14: Up!

HOLLA!!! I was really hoping to get an awesome picture of a crisp & sunny day for my March Photo A Day post today (the theme was UP) but alas- I am in Seattle and it was grey and gloomy! I took a pic of my fav lamp :) It adds a spark of color and a bit of spunk to my little studio! And it's tall so.. it's up right?! Ha. SO... here's "UP!"

Entry #13: Month end....again?!

Ew. Month end. Anyone who's ever worked in a finance department before most likely know this disdainful time of month. 12-13 hour day... everyone running at you with last minute things that need to close "OMG YESTERDAY DO IT NOW!!!". I made it. Made it through yet another one! Hoooray! Now I'm home. Relaxing and feeling moderately satisfied with the way the day turned out. Until I stumbled upon THIS little gem! I recently ran across the blog of a guy who I find hilarious (mattysoftmitts). This is a video he re-blogged. 

Check it out. I went from moderately satisfied to freakin' great. 

Entry #12: Photo Fun!

I've decided to join in on the photo madness that has taken over the blog-o-sphere lately! It looks like tons of fun! I wish I would have known about it in January. It would have been so neat to do it for an entire year and then create a photo album out of all the pictures! At any rate to keep me in line I will be posting them here! :)

Here's the link where I found this idea. I love this lovely lady!

Entry #11: Sock Bun

TOTALLY posting this cuz I'm pretty proud of it. I've been reading all these blogs from girls and they be all liiiiike "ZOMG THE SOCK BUNNN IS SOOO COOO!!!"
So... I tried it, And even tho I've yesterday's make-up onnnnn lemme sayyyy....it's cute.


So...
I posted this last night. And I'm not sure why. It really doesn't look that cute. I mean, the picture doesn't do it justice. It's really quite adorable seriously LOL
*tsk*tsk* for posting after shots of Fireball OMG.

Entry #10.1: Is this normal?

WOW am I feeling like a whiny little beeyotch today! Ever wake up and just feel... off?! Yeah that's me today. Which is strange because I had a good weekend. Today has been a fairly normal day at work. Something is just on edge inside me. I can feel it waiting to blow up at the next tiny thing that aggrivates me. HA. Great. 

On another note... I just realized that the concert I'm going to as part of my birthday celebration is only 12 days away! Woot! :D

I think I'm bored. Maybe that's it. Bored with the same 'ol job, same scenery , same friends. That sounds bad. I love my friends. Dearly. But I think I need some new ones in my life. Still sounds bad. Just know if you read this and I know you... I didn't mean it that way. I swear.

What needs to happen is for me to finish out the mundane work day, go home, smoke a bowl, read and pass out. Hopefully by then some of the amazing blogs I follow will have posted some more things and I can continue to procrastinate finishing The Virgin Suicides 

Tomorrow I'll feel better I'm sure. Right? Yes. 

Entry #10: Monday, this is how you make me feel...

Teddy Roosevelt always said...

For real. 

Entry #9: OMG HI!!!!!

Well, well, well!

God there are so many things running through my mind right now! First off- that post was from 8 months ago!

Since then, my "online-date-divorced-with-3-kids" guy and I have dated, broken up annnd then gotten back together. It's still so strange to me that we met online. It was the first time I'd ever done anything like that and I've really enjoyed our time together. Aside from all the BS that surrounded us the last couple months. Now that THAT'S over... all smiles here. 

Second- I am TOTALLY kickin' ass at work these days! That horrible performance review really checked my ass with a cold upper-hook to the face. I am LUCKY to have a job. Admittedly, don't get it twisted, I have to continuously remind myself of that. Sometimes I have awful days.

 I STILL don't have a car. YES I KNOW. Ugh. I hate thinking about it. I have been saving though. My dad even took me car shopping last weekend. NO LUCK. I'm not trying to generalize here but are ALL car-salesmen assholes?! I mean I get it. I'm not unreasonable- you need to make as much money off a sale as you can. OK but when I come in with bad credit, a smallish down payment and a request to put me in something NO higher than a $350/month car payment WHY I ask you would you not do that for me?! Jesus. I would have bought a car that night. Instead I was poked and prodded and walked out of there (to my boyfriends car) with no keys. I have since decided to take the money that I had saved for a down payment and use that to pay off some bills that show up on my credit report. I can start from scratch and save up some more money for a car in a few months. I need to pay off my debt. Otherwise- I'm stuck going to a dealership that will finance bad credit and NO I'm not judging here but- that's embarrassing. 

I'm totally rambling! I missed writing. It was therapeutic for me. I really need to take time to do things for ME. Even if there's no one to listen, follow or comment on my postings... It still feels good to vent. It's like... An online journal! 

I say like a lot. That's also embarrassing. 

G'night.

Entry #8...

So I realize it's been a long time since I've blogged. And I really need to. 

Since my last post I have:

1) Lost my car... engine seized

2) Had a HUGE fight with my Father

3) Succumbed to On-line Dating

4) Pretty much started dating someone

and 5) Had a shitty performance evaluation at work

OH and 6) Went to the NKOTB/BSB concert

So what we thought was the starter turned out to just be the death of my car. It was just old. And ready to die. So it waited until it was parked on a nice sunny, quiet hill in a neighborhood overlooking downtown Kirkland. RIP Jimmy. Now I'm bumming rides from my friend that lives and works near me and I WAS getting rides from my father but he's STILL a douche bag after all these years. Which leads me to my next subject to vent on. 

    He comes over on a Sunday after he got off work. Sure- he worked a 12 hour day. Ok. Complaining he's tired before he asks me if I want to go across the street for a drink. Now- he KNOWS damn well I'm broke. Pretty much as bad as a homeless person although I do have a piggy bank I've not emptied out yet. He proceeds to ask me if I want to go out on the Thursday coming up. I tell him "Sure but I don't want to be out late". Excuse me but I WORK M-F and I get up early. So whatev. Then AFTER I agree he tells me "Good. I have a friend from work that is going to meet us there... He's 25..." Ok NOW I see what's going on here... This is a set up. So I point blank say "Are you trying to set me up?!" And he says "No- Im introducing you to a friend of mine; I dont really care where it goes from there.... RIIIIIIGHT. 

So Tuesday night I text my dad from work and tell him I won't be able to make it. I don't want to go. It will be AWKWARD as all hell... and I just don't want to go. So I'm not. I made up an excuse (lie) that my friend that has been giving me rides asked for my help with something and "how can I turn her down? She's been such a HUGE help to me" In which he responds "Yeah well so have I. I'm very disappointed in you" 

Um.... WHAT?! Aside from my lil fib- which I understand is wrong... IF I were actually telling the truth did he REALLY just throw that in my face? He's been there for me too!? A little background on my Father... He disappeared when I was TWO. And reappeared when I was 22. NOW can ya see why him throwing his shit in my face pissed me off so much?! ALSO- IF I hadn't been fibbing- I'm sorry but going to help a friend that has helped me is WAY more important than going to have drinks on a Thursday night!! WTF?! How can he NOT understand that. Needless to say- I found a woman at work who lives near me that I can carpool with... Eff him. He can kiss my white ass. (STILL SO PISSED)

ANYWAYS.... 

Online Dating. WHY?! OMG. Let me tell you why... Curiosity? And the fact that one of my best friends met her husband on the same site I signed up for. I met and exchanged phone numbers with TWO people on the site and then erased my account. The first guy.... What shall I call him.... Hmmmm.... Lets call him Dog. As in Dog the Bounty Hunter (because that is his goal in life... to be a bounty hunter...) So I go out and meet Dog at a bar near my place. We have a few beers and really hit it off! Nice guy. But TOTALLY not for me. 

Ohhhhh but this OTHER one. T R O U B L E :)

We're both literally giddy with excitement over one another. We have so much in common including our sense of humor which is HUGE for me. I NEED to laugh. Otherwise I go crazy. Well... even MORE crazy than I already am... Cute, right? Anyhow- so far so good only thing is.... He is divorced and has three kids. OK OK  wait wait don't write him off just yet. If I had- I wouldn't be on cloud 9 right now. He's on the same page as me about meeting his kids- which I was very worried about. I've dated guys with kids and for some reason they wanted me to meet them right away with no regard as to what it's doing to the children to have women in and out of their life like that... We've agreed that at LEAST six months down the road is a good time to start talking about it... Works for me! I'll see him tonight by the way... and I'm like a school girl... I can't stop smiling! Seriously- someone smack me. 

Just like with Mr Grade School I am trying to take things really slow... Not get too excited about something that will let me down  has the possibility to backfire. But I can't help it. I've tried- trust me. 

  Ugh work. I've nothing to say here because it will just piss me off and ruin my day. Basically- I work for a company that is understaffed and hesitant to hire more people. 

  Annnnnd NKOTB/BSB.... omg. BEST concert I've been to in quite some time! TOTAL flashback to grade school! Ahhhh the early days... When all ya had to worry about was homework and your mom TOTALLY embarrassing you when a boy called.... How I miss those days! 

That's it for now... Done venting. 

Entry #7: Friends Please!?

WHAT. THE. SHIT.

Why is it almost nearly impossible to have a guy that can handle just BEING YOUR FRIEND?! I think I have some reasons...
1. They're horn dogs. All of em. Don't care what you say.
2. Pride. They have too much damn pride to think they can't seduce you
3. They simply think differently than most women

So remember Frankfurt? (See Entry#5)
Well we hung out this last weekend... Good guy. Fun. Yadda yadda. We really don't have much in common and there's not much attraction there on my end... But we accidentally slipped and fell on to one another and did the dirty. Ugh. Ok. BAD IDEA. What the hell is my problem?! I was (still am) totally peeved about the whole deal with the Cowboy (Mr Grade School) that I just wanted to prove something to myself?! For my own selfish pride?! I'm a hot mess. Not only that but I really thought that we were on the same page... Just friends... that slept together once. APPARENTLY NOT. I had to get up early to go to work the next day and I let him stay to sleep. Told him to lock the door when he left. When I came home- there was a note on the counter:
"Thanks for letting me stay and sleep in! Hope you had a good day. Ill miss sleeping next to you tonight. <3 Frank"
.....
UMMMMMMMMM.... ok?! I can handle the note.... Sure. But he did something else. He CLEANED my apartment. Not like a Mr. Clean cleaning but he put the sheets in the laundry, made the bed, picked up the kitchen, lined up my shoes nice by the door and left me a freshly loaded bowl....
WHAT kind of guy does these things?! Even if they're your "friend"?! That totally took me off guard. I tried not to think much of it- maybe he's just being a nice guy. But NOW... ohhhh boy... Now he wants to hang out all the time. He texts me the little Kissy Face emoticon on the iPhones... and I'm just rather uncomfortable about it all.

Tuesday night I had car trouble.... Starter went out (FML!!) and was stranded for a bit. By the time I was rescued and got home it was like.... 11pm. I was annoyed, freaked out, stressed and just tired. So I went to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls, a voice mail and 3 texts all from him. OMG. REALLY?! Ugh.
I courteously texted him to let him know I was fine and had fallen asleep. He then mentions that he even drove by my house to see if I was OK but it looked like no one was home... UM. WHAT?! Creeper. Seriously.
I did NOT intend for this to happen at all and now I fear that I can't even be his FRIEND anymore! Meatball and I were talking about this... we have noticed that lately- since we've gotten older- guys "catch feelings" WAY easier than girls do now. At least in our experiences...
Used to be when I wanted a serious relationship, and to have someone fall hard for me and be around all the time- I never could find that. Now that I DON'T want that- I am finding guys that do. How come we can't all just be on the same page?! Sheeeeeeeeesh!
Now I have to eventually tell Frankfurt that things are strictly friendly between us and risk losing a friend all for one night of not even that good drunken sex. RAWR.

Entry #6: Case of the Mondays

Seriously Monday? No one likes you... go away!

Although the weekend wasn't at all bad- I am still not fully ready for another work week. Especially here at this time. Everything is kind of a mess at the moment with the department. Lots of changes and new people and comings and goings.

I really actually had a lot of fun this weekend :) Spent it with The Ol Married Couple (they really aren't old at all- and not even married yet but for the sake of not naming names, that's what Ill call them) and my friend Frank. He came with me to their house and we tried to get our Century Club Membership. For those of you who don't know... Century Club is a drinking game of sorts. 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes. Word of advice: Do NOT have 6 beers before attempting to play... Not a great idea. Needless to say none of us made it all the way; and I was the first one out. Surprise surprise.

Saturday Meatball came up and we did our nails. There was a post on my fav website (www.hellogiggles.com) about Newspaper Print Nails. We wanted to give it a try and with much success! Very cute idea!

Entry #5: Let Down

So much for taking things slow! That was my goal... To take things slow with this guy... REALLLLLY slow. Because that's the complete opposite of what I usually do. Let everything unfold organically. I mean- it HAS to work if I do that, right? RIGHT?! Ugh- wrong. Fail. Not on my end- on HIS. 

Here's what happened... 

After not hearing from him very much for a couple days I simply asked "So- what's up with the cold shoulder?"

This got into a conversation that lead to this text from him "Honestly- I don't have the time I wish I did to invest in a relationship right now. I really like you and I have a lot of fun with you but I just don't think it would be fair to either of us right now."

Ok so.. after this I will admit- being as emotional as I have been lately (coupled with the fact that its that time of month) I had a bit of a breakdown. I sat on my bed, clutching my 24 year old teddy bear and cried. Cried because I felt like the first time I really did try to change myself and the way I do things (Re: Dating and rushing) didn't make a damn bit of difference; because I'm going through a really rough financial time right now, as so many people are; because I just felt unwanted and useless. Not good enough for anyone. Like I'll never be loved. It's safe to say I was feeling sorry for myself. So instead of doing what I usually do (drink!) I reached out to a friend of mine that is in a similar situation as me. He was at work and couldn't come hang so I just went to my Mom's and hung out with the family dog (Baxxter the Pug!) and just cooled down. 

Needless to say today I am feeling better. I know that this is SO not the end of the world. But I am still disappointed... I mean... What the shit?! I wasn't important enough for him to MAKE time in his life for lil ol me?! Whatever. Nix that negative thought. As my best girl says "Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and move the hell on"

Thanks Meatball :) That's EXACTLY what I am going to do! 

Entry#4: Smoking

Good God smoking is not easy to quit! I never realized at what points in the day/ my routine I generally stop for a ciggarette!
-Driving
-Stressful Moments
-Emotional Moments
-After meals
-When drinking
-When bored

It's definitily harder than I thought it would be. Did have a slip up at my friends house last night. It was such a horrible day at work that I used it as an excuse to bum a smoke from her. Oh well. It's in the past now.
I really am going to try to go through this entire day without smoking... or hurting someone in the process :)

Shit. I hope everyone stays out of my way today.