Entry #5: Let Down

So much for taking things slow! That was my goal... To take things slow with this guy... REALLLLLY slow. Because that's the complete opposite of what I usually do. Let everything unfold organically. I mean- it HAS to work if I do that, right? RIGHT?! Ugh- wrong. Fail. Not on my end- on HIS. 

Here's what happened... 

After not hearing from him very much for a couple days I simply asked "So- what's up with the cold shoulder?"

This got into a conversation that lead to this text from him "Honestly- I don't have the time I wish I did to invest in a relationship right now. I really like you and I have a lot of fun with you but I just don't think it would be fair to either of us right now."

Ok so.. after this I will admit- being as emotional as I have been lately (coupled with the fact that its that time of month) I had a bit of a breakdown. I sat on my bed, clutching my 24 year old teddy bear and cried. Cried because I felt like the first time I really did try to change myself and the way I do things (Re: Dating and rushing) didn't make a damn bit of difference; because I'm going through a really rough financial time right now, as so many people are; because I just felt unwanted and useless. Not good enough for anyone. Like I'll never be loved. It's safe to say I was feeling sorry for myself. So instead of doing what I usually do (drink!) I reached out to a friend of mine that is in a similar situation as me. He was at work and couldn't come hang so I just went to my Mom's and hung out with the family dog (Baxxter the Pug!) and just cooled down. 

Needless to say today I am feeling better. I know that this is SO not the end of the world. But I am still disappointed... I mean... What the shit?! I wasn't important enough for him to MAKE time in his life for lil ol me?! Whatever. Nix that negative thought. As my best girl says "Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and move the hell on"

Thanks Meatball :) That's EXACTLY what I am going to do!